WHAT DOES LOVING YOURSELF MEAN?

"No one can save you except yourself. Be a light unto yourself." — Buddha

We often get confused about what self-love truly means, its importance, and how to achieve it. This is because we tend to confuse selfishness with self-love. Self-centeredness and individuality can sometimes sound narcissistic. However, self-love means seeking oneself, remembering oneself, realizing oneself, and being oneself. In this sense, it is the only true and authentic contribution, purpose, and core principle we can offer to ourselves, others, and all of existence! Thus, self-love is something that can be learned, developed, and refined—it is a multidimensional, lifelong journey of evolution. Like all things genuine, it is both challenging and invaluable.

Undoubtedly, what we call love is often wrapped in frequencies and shaped by opposites, causing us to stumble frequently in this plane of existence. Yet, this is both the charm, the pain, and the beauty of the journey.

As Buddha emphasized, if we truly loved ourselves, we would not be able to harm anything. This means that self-love fundamentally begins with non-harm and the principle of non-violent communication. However, while adhering to such a high principle, one might appear to be causing harm to another, just as we sometimes play roles in each other's paths that seem negative. In truth, what appears harmful might sometimes be necessary for both the other person and ourselves, making it an act of love—even if it arrives in the form of a slap.

There is no need to complicate it: Prioritizing one's own existence, both materially and spiritually, is the highest principle of love.

Loving myself means loving my body, caring for my mind, emotions, and soul, and working to understand them. It means passionately dedicating effort, curiosity, and perseverance toward this understanding.

It means seeing through the eyes of the Creator, who created me with love and significance, treating myself as a sacred temple and a treasure.

It means embarking on a conscious journey to discover the verses and universes folded within me.

Self-love means loving oneself even when there is no external validation, when the whole world seems against you, embracing your shadow, and walking the path of integration and completion with courage, compassion, patience, and responsibility. It means guiding yourself wisely through your wounds and struggles, holding your own hand.

It means knowing your rights over your own ego, adjusting it without oppressing yourself.

Self-love means staying true to yourself, being honest and sincere without betraying your truth. It means not clinging to toxicity, staying centered, not losing your direction, and realigning when you do.

Self-love means being mindful of what you touch, what you hear, what you see, what you take in, and what you give out. It sometimes means keeping a distance when necessary.

Some of my students come to me saying, "I don't find myself valuable; I can't love myself." But the fact that they are even on this journey proves that they do love themselves. No one who is entirely indifferent to their worth embarks on such a path. That means you already love yourself, you are valuable, and you are taking a meaningful step. Please continue this journey despite everything and through all times—because your essence loves you beyond all things.

Ram Dass emphasizes that there is nothing to do except work on ourselves, a belief echoed by all ancient esoteric traditions and disciplines in different forms. This is the very axis around which healing, enlightenment, and transformation revolve. Ultimately, everything—both material and spiritual—leads back to this. Whatever or whoever we are working on, and no matter the type of relationship, we are only working on the barriers to loving ourselves. When we speak of purifying the heart and mind, this is what we mean. When mystical religious traditions speak of cleansing from sins, they refer to this very idea.

Pride, anger, lust, greed, envy, laziness, resentment—consider for a moment how all of these relate to an inability to love oneself.

There are countless methods for cultivating self-love. Even if we do not always progress consciously, our entire journey inevitably moves in this direction. However, when approached with awareness, the journey and its course transform completely.

For instance, today, I would like to invite you to reread Buddha’s Four Noble Truths as part of the self-love journey:

Buddha’s fundamental teaching in all Buddhist doctrines states:

• Life is full of suffering.

• The cause of suffering is ignorance, greed, and anger.

• If these causes are eliminated, suffering will cease.

• The way to achieve this is through the Noble Eightfold Path:

  • Right View

  • Right Intention

  • Right Speech

  • Right Action

  • Right Livelihood

  • Right Effort

  • Right Mindfulness

  • Right Concentration (Meditation)

You may wish to reflect on how the fulfillment or lack of these principles connects to self-love and the absence of suffering.

Only by loving myself can I truly love. If I cannot love myself, then all my love—and everything attached to it—is nothing more than a mirage in the desert, an empty illusion, a fragile, wounding dream, and mere assumptions. And love, always, is despite both myself and the other.

I hope this article inspires reflection on how our lack of self-love manifests in our lives, the reasons behind this self-inflicted violence, what might be possible if things were different, and what steps we need to take.

May your fire burn bright, and may our journey be filled with ease.

Ahu BİRLİK