THIS MONTH

I don’t feel like writing this month.

So I thought, let me write unwillingly.

I wonder what happens when we do things unwillingly—will something be written?

Do we always have to give advice, guidance, and knowledge?

Let’s pour out our hearts a little.

How strange—words still flow.

This month, my heart is roaring, deeply sad, crying with passion.

The more I cry, the more my beliefs surface; the more they surface, the more I believe.

I guess this is what they call "not feeling well."

I’ve said “I’m fine” so many times that I’ve forgotten what it means to not be.

But honestly, even though I may be sad,

I’m still fine.

I am breathing.

I am taking in my air.

I am releasing the air I’ve been suppressing in my stomach for years.

And as I release, my belief that “you lose when you let go” surfaces.

How deeply I have believed in it.

And how strange—it seems I still do.

My desires are not coming true, one by one.

And as they don’t, my beliefs solidify, one by one.

A spiral.

Yet, in a strange way, my peace never changes.

I am aware.

Thank goodness...