THE SWAMP OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Welcome to one of the biggest obstacles in both material and spiritual growth: Spiritual Bypass!

What Is a Bypass and Why Do We Use It?

In simple terms, I define bypassing as distorting something and becoming numb within it. Sometimes, we use it as a means of escaping material reality, and at other times, we misunderstand and misapply spiritual concepts, stripping them of their true context, balance, and wholeness.

Common spiritual bypass phrases include:

“Let go and surrender to the flow.”
“Stay in the present moment.”
“Accept everything as it is.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Become nothing.”

And, of course, the most common of all: Unconditional Love.

Unconditional Love or a Trap?

Unconditional love is undoubtedly a beautiful and sacred ideal. However, when used as a spiritual bypass, it can turn into a quagmire—a trap of unrealistic expectations.

How?

We assume that if we show unconditional love, it will be reciprocated in the same way. We believe that this is the ultimate truth and the highest spiritual principle. But when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, we feel hurt and disappointed. And in that moment, we realize—we weren’t actually loving unconditionally, were we?

The real issue is this: Unconditional love belongs to God and to those who have transcended the self. But to believe we are loving unconditionally and, in return, to expect unconditional outcomes is nothing but an act of ego.

The Reality Check: Are We Truly at That Level?

Unconditional love, in its purest form, is not something that happens at this worldly level. It exists at the level of the spiritual heart, where everything is one and beyond conditions. So before we claim to love unconditionally, we must ask ourselves:

Am I truly at that level of consciousness?
Can those I interact with meet me at that level, or am I imposing unrealistic expectations on them?

We are human beings having a spiritual experience, which means we also exist on material, emotional, and physical levels. In reality, everything—including relationships, cause-and-effect, time, space, and even our bodies—is conditional.

Misapplying Spiritual Principles

If I insist on using a carpet meant for my home as a prayer rug in a mosque, I may receive increasingly strong warnings from the laws of balance and divine principles. In other words, if I misapply spiritual principles in a way that disrupts harmony, life will remind me of my mistake.

For example, if someone threatens something dear to you—your life, property, child, or dignity—can you truly love them unconditionally? And more importantly, should you?

Yes, we are all one. Yes, even a thief who steals from me may have a divine purpose intersecting with mine in the grand scheme of things. But does that mean I should leave my doors unlocked at night?

Yes, I may forgive and make peace with everyone in my heart. But does that mean I must keep toxic people in my life?

Yes, I accept things as they are. But does that mean they should never change or evolve?

Yes, I may love deeply. But does that mean I must always engage in relationships that require unconditional love?

Unconditional Love Is Not Always Necessary—Or Safe

We cannot love unconditionally at all times, and sometimes, we should not. In fact, forcing ourselves to do so can be dangerous. This does not make us bad people.

Perhaps if we face, process, and accept this truth, everything will start to fall into place. Our love will become more human, just, realistic, healthy, and sincere—grounded in both material and spiritual realities. And at the same time, we will free ourselves from the exhausting cycle of wondering: