RELATIONSHIPS, FORM, AND ESSENCE

SOMETIMES ESSENCE AND FORM GET MIXED UP

Humans tend to believe that merely "naming" something makes them responsible in a relationship, while being in a relationship itself does not carry any responsibility.

We are inclined to deceive ourselves, even if, deep down, we know we cannot. Still, we try. We try to fool ourselves.

Years ago, when I lost my first cat, the pain was so immense that I decided never to name any of the stray cats I fed in the garden. I would only feed them, satisfy their hunger, and form no emotional bond.

If I "didn’t name them"—meaning if I didn’t "claim them"—then I wouldn’t have any responsibility. If I didn’t "take them into my heart"—meaning if I didn’t "bond with them"—then my heart wouldn’t ache again.

Then one day, ‘Mia’ came into the garden—a beautiful gray cat. My heart was drawn to her, yet I refused to give her a name, trying to suppress the love that was naturally growing inside me.

Months passed. My inner battle continued.

At that time, during a group study in the Fourth Way teaching I was following, I shared this struggle. My friends in the group held up a mirror for me, showing me that I had closed my heart to love to avoid pain. They assigned me the task of naming a cat I felt close to in the garden, symbolically embracing responsibility.

And so, about seven years ago, ‘Mia’ entered my life in this way. I learned what it means to evolve alongside a cat. I learned from her how to be attached without being dependent, to embrace without possessing, and to love despite my fears.

One day, through some circumstance, I will lose her. And yes, my heart will ache deeply on that day. But what if Mia had never entered my life because I was afraid of loving and getting hurt?

What if, out of fear, we had never shared all these moments? What if we had never touched each other’s lives and souls?

What if I had never experienced what it feels like to love her, to smell her, to hold her, to kiss her, to sleep beside her?

What a great loss that would be.

One day, I will lose her, but the love in my heart and all that she has taught me—and continues to teach me—will remain within me forever.

A plant, an animal, a human...

To form a relationship is essence.

And every relationship carries the responsibility it naturally entails.

Whether it is with an animal, a family member, a friend, or a romantic partner...

What matters is not the form of the relationship but the bond between two souls.

A relationship is not defined by labels.

A relationship exists only in the heart.

Gökçe YILMAZ