IS IT A DESIRE OR A NEED?

Despite having twenty-five pairs of shoes in her closet, Ms. Cansu couldn’t find a single pair that suited the outfit she was planning to wear to an event. She felt the need for a white, low-heeled, pointed-toe shoe, and soon found herself on her way to shop. She imagined herself dressed in her new shoes and dress, and a feeling of pleasure enveloped her. She was soaring with happiness. A thought crossed her mind: “Everyone will love me.” By chance, she found the exact shoes she needed at the first store she entered and bought them. After shopping a bit more, she decided to head home. She decided to walk back home. As she slowly approached her home, she felt that the happiness inside her was also slowly diminishing, just like the distance to her house.

"I bought the shoes I needed, I didn’t even have to work hard, and I found them at a reasonable price. I should be so happy right now, so why am I starting to feel sad again?" she thought to herself when she bumped into her friend, Dr. Eren, sitting at a café on her way. “Cansu, let me buy you a cup of fatigue tea,” he said, and she immediately agreed. Her feet ached. After a brief conversation, the topic turned to Cansu’s chronic unhappiness.

"Eren, I got the shoes I wanted the most. I was so happy until I bought them. But now that I have them, I don't have the happiness I felt when I was imagining them. It was exactly what I needed, so why do I feel like this?" she said, and suddenly tears started streaming down her cheeks.

“Don’t cry, my dear Cansu, you’re not alone, this is a common problem for people today. Would you like me to tell you why?” he said. Without waiting for an answer, he added, “We’re living wrong.” “We’re living against our nature, without knowing ourselves. We don’t recognize ourselves, so we confuse our needs with our desires. We listen to our minds instead of ourselves. That’s why we think our mind’s desires are our needs, and we act accordingly. For instance, we buy seat covers for our car when it needs fuel,” he continued. “Since we don’t listen to ourselves, we don’t perform the actions that actually fulfill our needs, we don’t meet our real needs. By doing this, we disrupt the system’s functioning. Our car with the new seat cover breaks down on the road. :))”

“Let me tell you about a system in our body. Maybe then you’ll understand the concepts of need and desire better,” he said. “This is just one of millions of perfect systems: The Angiotensin-Aldosterone system. The name doesn’t matter; just understand its logic and function,” he said.

“This system is a hormonal system that regulates blood pressure and fluid balance. Whenever the blood pressure drops in the body, like when you suddenly stand up from a chair, it activates immediately. When the pressure drops, the cells in the kidneys detect the amount of salt in the blood and produce a substance. This substance stimulates the production of another substance in the liver. That substance then transforms into another substance in the lungs. This substance causes the blood vessels to constrict and produces a hormone in the kidneys. Thanks to this hormone, water is reabsorbed into the blood from the kidneys. When the blood vessels constrict and the kidneys reabsorb water, blood pressure is balanced and returns to its natural state. Isn’t this an amazing process? Along with this inner regulation, do you know what happens? This substance also creates a feeling of thirst in the brain. This feeling urges the person to drink water and raise the blood pressure. This feeling is a genuine desire born from need. When a person feels thirsty, they drink water. In this way, blood pressure is balanced, and the system continues to function smoothly.”

“But most of us focus on our minds during the day. We’re busy with thoughts like, ‘I’ll do this, I’ll buy that, this person said this, I’ll do that to them,’ and so on. Our attention is on the external world, not our inner world. That’s why we are constantly affected by stimuli and generate many unnecessary desires and wishes in our minds. We have breakfast, and before we’re even hungry, we’re thinking about what we’ll have for lunch. We force ourselves to drink three liters of water a day without considering our height or weight, without thinking about whether that amount is too little or too much for our body. This is the same with your unhappiness. Your real need is something else right now, but you’re spending your day on a pair of white high-heeled shoes, which your mind desires. Meanwhile, your inner self is crying, your tears are flowing on their own. Can’t you see? Your inner Cansu is sad because your real needs aren’t being met.”

“The whole human being works just like the system I just described. The body feels thirsty and signals for water. The heart cries when it needs something, just like you’re experiencing right now. Turn to your heart, feel it. Find a way to satisfy that feeling. Be mindful of your mind, don’t let it deceive you. If you offer a fancy steak to your body when it’s thirsty, will it quench its thirst? Will the latest fashion shoes fulfill your need when your heart is crying? Let me answer that for you: No.”

“The happiness derived from the desires of the mind doesn’t last long. That’s why these latest fashion shoes didn’t make you happy… Next time we meet, I’ll explain to you about human nature, the body, the mind, and the spirit, and how to live in harmony with them. For now, that’s enough tears,” he said. They hugged and parted ways.

On her way home, feeling the happiness of being much more relieved than when she bought her shoes, Cansu imagined the next meeting where she would learn about her true nature, and drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

Let them meet, and I’ll write to you… I’ll share with you as much of the secrets and mechanisms of our true existence as I know and live.

Stay in love.

Emine NALÇACI MAVİŞ