RELATIONSHIPS AND LANGUAGES OF LOVE

One of the essential pillars of relationships is communication. While communication involves many different dimensions and dynamics, in this issue, I would like to discuss the languages of love in communication. Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages, explains that there are five different love languages used to express and experience love in communication. He emphasizes that we all use these languages to varying degrees, with one being more dominant, and we tend to want to see the dominant language of love reflected in our partner. These love languages are:

• Quality time

• Physical touch

• Words of affirmation

• Acts of service/help

• Receiving gifts/surprises

According to Chapman, when both parties share the same love language, it leads to a more fulfilling, smoothly flowing relationship. However, relationships between individuals with different communication languages may be more challenging. Still, research has shown that there is no significant connection between love languages and relationship satisfaction.

However, I believe that knowing my partner's love language as well as my own can be quite advantageous. Because naturally, when we don't see what we need or expect in someone else, we might feel unloved, leading to chain reactions of multi-dimensional and highly influential issues. The differences Chapman speaks of could open many doors in terms of understanding. And understanding is one of the fundamental bases of love.

Another important factor in the giving and receiving of love is attachment styles. Attachment styles refer to the relationship we form with our caregivers during childhood and how it reflects in our later relationships. A connection between attachment styles and love languages has been found. According to research, securely attached individuals tend to use quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation, while avoidant types lean towards acts of service, and anxious individuals focus more on quality time.

Perhaps the most important thing in this is self-regulation—having a perspective on where you and the relationship stand within the given circumstances and being able to align and guide accordingly.

Masculine and feminine principles and facets can also use different communication and love models. In nonviolent and open communication, however, a language that does not target but considers needs, is honest, clear, sincere, solution-oriented, and yet understanding and compassionate, yields the best results. For example, using a language like “This behavior made me feel this way…” instead of “You did this because of this…” not only frees and protects us from the victim/aggressor cycle and its consequences, but also adopts a collaborative approach to problems, and promotes self-reflection and transformation of perception/patterns. Communication, perspective, and transformation in language have a tremendous impact on our development and every area of our lives.

It is clear that those who work on themselves and their communication with themselves will also see an improvement in their capacity to connect with others and communicate with them over time. The more one understands and loves the language they use to communicate with themselves, the better they will be able to understand others and, to the same extent, be understood.

The furthest and nearest distance is between two people. I hope we are all in relationships where we can communicate effectively, and even if not, we will learn this through our relationships. Though there are many roads and languages leading to love, I hope we will remember those who create from the heart and the forgotten languages.