HELLO FOREIGN, CAN WE LOVE EACH OTHER?

We live in a world where consumer madness has spread like a tumor. Back in the '90s, we might have only complained about shopping, material possessions, but every day, we became exposed to the metastasis of this tumor.

We ate and drank, but it wasn't enough.

We bought and wore, but it wasn't enough.

We traveled and saw, but it wasn't enough.

We liked what we bought for a while, then forgot about it and moved on, but it wasn't enough.

We tried everything, did everything, consumed everything…

But it still wasn't enough.

Our desire to consume didn't satisfy us, and now it's time to consume people.

The greatest madness of our time; we began to consume people, relationships, our very humanity.

In the past, we used to listen to people’s stories and connect with them genuinely, with our true feelings and sincerity.

Now, we consume “storyteller” people with our temporary emotions, just for a few minutes, and then move on to the next. The earthquake was a tragedy, and the way we consume "storyteller" people is the disaster itself...

In the past, we tried to get to know the other person. In our relationships, we had a right to be different, to make mistakes, and we worked hard to improve our relationships through difficult conversations.

Now, the smallest difference proves that it won’t work, and it’s too exhausting to try. Now, one wrong takes away all the rights.

We forgot how to build connections, and instead, we consume each other before we can even get there. The most wild form of this is seen in online dating apps. The modern version of matchmaking, as the old ones used to call it.

When I decided to write this, I dove into it with the eyes of a social scientist. From the very beginning, as soon as you create a profile, you strip away your humanity and get ready to be consumed like a product on a shopping website. You put the best photos, showing the life you’ve lived to the fullest... The more photos from different countries you put, the more value you gain. This is why most people don’t take the risk, and if the photo isn’t clear enough, they add country flags in the description. Honestly, I had to Google some of them. Beyond that, the descriptions are full of the finest examples of advertising: short, concise, attention-grabbing, and intriguing sentences that call you to look more at the profile, almost like a magazine headline. You can expand this with more personal information, such as the school you went to, your profession, your zodiac sign, your Instagram page, and your Spotify information.

What surprises me in men is that they think not smiling is a good thing or an attractive trait. Most of them prefer photos where they look hyper-masculine, with a slight frown. I don’t know, but I wouldn’t spend time with a man who doesn’t smile, yet of course, no one can interfere with anyone else's photo choices. There are also some basic elements in their messages. For example, the “I believe I am an educated and visionary person” item is paired with a white linen shirt, while the “Life is short, and I’m looking for a branch to hold on to” item is paired with team uniforms. “Sports are my life, but what matters are my biceps” is paired with a gym mirror selfie, and if the person is closer to a more "arabesk masculine" culture, the item could be a hookah or a leather jacket worn while looking at the horizon at a cafe or restaurant.

The second step is opening up to the market. Once you appear in the catalog as a product, you gain the right to look at other products. The ones you like are swiped right, the ones you don’t are swiped left, and in just about 4-7 seconds, you’ve either added it to your cart or moved on. For the shopping to be completed, you need to be swiped right by the other person as well. Some apps have implemented positive discrimination, where if the woman doesn’t send the first message, the man cannot start the conversation.

After the conversation begins, it really shows the consumption speed of individuals. One group immediately sends hearts and kisses with emojis, delivering their message directly:

Hello stranger, will you love me?

These people are hungry for love but too impatient to go with the pace of building a connection. They are after quick attention and temporary satisfaction. If both parties are aligned in expectations, a mutualism relationship is formed (a type of shared living where two different species help each other for mutual benefit). It’s consumed quickly and then moved on to the next.

The group that approaches more slowly divides into two: those eager to form a connection and the ones who are good at what they do. The ones who are good at it are the most cunning because their messages are essentially the same as the previous ones:

Hello stranger, will you love me?

They want to maximize the benefit by extending the time, and they’ve solved the game cleverly, being patient. The most dangerous situation here is when the group eager to connect matches with the ones who are good at it. Because one side is consuming freely while the other side is being drained over time. Eventually, this relationship, too, is consumed, and they move on to the next.

Those eager to build connections might seem more innocent, but there is definitely no innocent side to the consumer madness. The impatience that our age brings has seeped deep into our bones. They want to form connections but often have the fantasy that everything can just magically align without effort. The question only changes form:

Hello stranger, can we love each other?

We couldn’t.

To all those who think they’ve stumbled into the wrong era, I’m sending my love with a quote I adore from the fox in The Little Prince: "You become responsible, forever, for what you’ve tamed."

To a life where we live without consuming or being consumed, remembering that we are all one,

With love,

Selin Binay